When Changing a Few Things Changes Everything
If you follow me on social media, you’ve probably seen me post a few things about Fidget — a big, beautiful dark bay Appendix gelding who had been returned to a rescue by three different adopters, and finally found his forever human, Andrea. (Who, you’ll come to find out as you read on, is one of the most amazing humans I’ve ever encountered in the horse world!)
I started working with Fidget because he always seemed a bit “blah” about things. He would do mostly anything you asked, but there was no real spark of interest or joy behind his actions. After an initial evaluation, I realized that there was a good amount of aggression and anger that was pent up within Fidget. I knew he had been failed miserably by humans in the past, so I had compassion for this. I also knew, in order to get to know who he is, and to give him a better quality of life, he had to let this go.
So I started at the beginning with a “basic” exercise in which I asked him to just stand still and look at me. I do this with most of the horses in my program, because it’s rare that we truly stop and LOOK into a horse’s eyes to get to know who he is. So, I brought Fidget into the round pen and asked him to just stand still and look at me. He responded with charging, kicking, rearing and ramming into round pen panels. This went on for a week and a half.
See, the idea of vulnerability terrified him. (I can relate to this as a human being.) Being shut down and guarded had served him well throughout his life. It protected him from heartache, from pain, and from fear. Here I was, practically a stranger, asking him to take the wall down and open up to a new way of being with people. He threw everything he could think of my way. He desperately tried to get me to fight with him, to punish him for acting how he acted, to get defensive and loud. See, if I’d just fight with him, then his way of being would be justified once again.
I refused to fight.
Instead, every day I would show up, catch him, and bring him into the round pen. I’d ask the same thing of him without getting big, without demanding it, and without forcing him into anything. And slowly but surely, he softened bit by bit. He didn’t like it, but he started to try. That was all I needed. We built on that try. Day by day, he’d open some more. His body started to get looser, his mind started to shift. He was shedding some of his old baggage and realizing how nice it could be to just be with humans in a way that didn’t demand a bunch of work, a bunch of obedience or a bunch of tension.
BEFORE Training Started
AFTER 30 Days of Training
It was a truly amazing experience. In just around 60 days, Fidget went from walking away from me when I approached him to nickering and coming to the gate. He went from refusing to look at me, to standing with me with soft and happy eyes. He took quite a liking to liberty work, and even found himself up on the pedestal with beaming pride!
Last week, in a session with me, I was able to put a saddle pad and surcingle on his back at liberty. (The video is on my Facebook page, if you want to watch.) In the moment, it felt really nice. His energy seemed at ease, and his body language didn’t scream “no” in any sense. However, watching it back once I uploaded it, I was struck at how “disinterested” he seemed. He wasn’t screaming no, but he also wasn’t engaged and saying "yes!” I knew in this moment, we had to find out what Fidget truly wanted.
So, I shared my thoughts with Andrea (his human) and Gina (a long-time supporter, advocate and friend of Fidget and Andrea), and we tried to decide what to do. We all agreed that we would do whatever Fidget wanted to do in his life, no matter if that was “convenient” for us or exactly what we wanted.
Throughout the last week, Gina and Andrea have both communicated with Fidget to let him know that he is safe and taken care of no matter what he wants to do. We all reassured him that he doesn’t have to do anything just to please us. More than anything, we want Fidget to be happy. This is where I could share so much, you’d end up having a book to read. So instead, I’ll share with you what happened yesterday when I went out to get Fidget for his session.
He nickered at me when he saw me coming and stood perfectly square when I approached. He rested quietly and locked eyes with me. So I stood there quietly and told him what a good boy he was. At that moment, I got a message from him. It was, “Thank you. I didn’t think it would work, but it did.” Tears welled up in my eyes, and he walked straight to me. Practically shoving his head in the halter, I received his next message.
“You didn’t take anything from me. All you did was give me peace. And now there’s nothing left to do but let me use it.”
And so that’s what he gets to do. He’s going to go live in a pasture with other horses, and enjoy being a horse with his friends, which is where Fidget is the happiest. He will get to see Andrea and Gina regularly, do some liberty work and trail riding for fun, and be a trusty pony ride steed for Andrea’s son.
All we did for Fidget was change a few things. We showed him that it was okay to LOOK at people for comfort and support. We showed him that he didn’t need to do things just because he was asked. We taught him it’s okay to say no. Well, for Fidget, that changed everything.
So Fidgey, you did it. Thank you for trusting me enough to let down your walls. Thank you for allowing me to help you shed some of that old baggage that was weighing you down and causing you discomfort. Thank you for not giving up on yourself, even when it seemed like the easier way out. Thank you for being brave enough to say no. But most of all, thank you for becoming my friend. Because of that, you changed everything for me, too.
Happy trails, buddy. I promise I’ll see you soon.
At this time, I’d like to say a GIANT THANK YOU to both Andrea and Gina for being so willing to honor Fidget at every step of this journey. You chose to #HonorTheHorse, and for that I will be forever grateful. Thank you for allowing me to be the one who worked with him, and for trusting me even when I seemed crazy. It truly takes a village, and our village is pretty much amazing.