Forgiveness and Freedom: A New Year's Resolution for You and Your Horse

As we step into the dawn of a new year, it's the perfect time to reflect, release, and set intentions for a brighter future. Just as we extend forgiveness to ourselves for past missteps, it's equally essential to extend the same grace to our four-legged companions. In the realm of horsemanship and the horse-human connection, the beginning of a new year offers us a chance to redefine and rejuvenate our partnerships.

Letting Go of the Past: A Gift to You and Your Horse

It's easy to get caught up in the tapestry of our past experiences with our horses. We've all got a history with our horses—ups, downs, and everything in between. It's easy to get caught up in the "should've, could've, would've," but here's the real scoop: horses don't wake up plotting chaos. They're emotional, sensitive beings, responding to the energy and cues in their environment. They're tuned into our vibes, our energy. More often than not, it's our human shenanigans that create bumps in the trail.

The Quickness of Equine Forgiveness

One remarkable aspect of our equine friends is their ability to forgive and move forward swiftly. Horses live in the present moment, and unlike humans, they don't carry grudges from yesterday's struggles. It's a profound lesson we can learn from them—to let go of past grievances and embrace the potential for positive change.

The Human Element: Breaking Free from Negative Patterns

Understanding that horses thrive in positive, happy relationships, we must acknowledge our role in shaping the dynamics. The journey to a harmonious partnership begins with us. It's not about forcing compliance but rather fostering trust and connection. As we embark on this new year, let's embrace partnership-based, force-free horse training—a method that places the emphasis on collaboration and mutual understanding.

Permission to Imperfection: Learning and Growing Together

Perfection is an illusion, and nowhere is this truer than in the world of horsemanship. Giving ourselves and our horses permission not to be perfect is a liberating concept. It means embracing the idea of learning and growing together. Every challenge becomes an opportunity for understanding, every misstep a chance for improvement. In this mindset, we create a foundation for a long-lasting, positive relationship with our horses.

Setting Intentions for the New Year

Picture this: a year where you and your horse communicate in a dance, every misstep is a lesson, and progress is the name of the game. Set intentions that prioritize patience, understanding, and joy in our interactions with our horses. 

In Conclusion: A Year of New Beginnings

This new year holds the promise of a fresh start, not only for ourselves but also for the incredible companions who grace our lives—our favorite equines. As we forgive, release, and set intentions, let's remember that every day is an opportunity to deepen the bond with our equine friends. May the coming year be filled with moments of connection, growth, and the pure joy that comes from sharing our lives with these extraordinary beings. Here's to a year of new beginnings, both for you and your horse.

If you need some support along the way, be sure to join our mailing list and watch social media for a chance to join an exclusive, members-only Facebook group all about helping you deepen the relationship with your horse!

Trust, Not Control: The Key to Harmonized Horsemanship

In the world of horsemanship, there's a long-standing tradition that often places the concept of dominance at the forefront. This approach stems from the observation of horse herd dynamics, where a dominant horse naturally emerges as the leader, commanding respect and authority. But let's dive deeper into these dynamics and take a closer look.

Within a typical horse herd, you'll indeed find a dominant individual, often a seasoned and experienced horse. This leader takes charge when it comes to making fundamental decisions, like selecting grazing areas or guiding the herd to safety in response to perceived threats. It's like a manager in a workplace, orchestrating various tasks and responsibilities.

However, it's crucial to acknowledge that while the dominant horse may be respected for their leadership skills, they might not always be the most sought-after companion during times of stress or relaxation. In fact, they can sometimes find themselves met with avoidance or distance from other members of the herd.

Picture this: the herd encounters an unfamiliar or potentially dangerous situation, such as a sudden loud noise or the presence of a predator. In these moments, the dominant horse assumes a stance of vigilance and control, directing their focus toward the perceived threat. Meanwhile, the rest of the herd disperses, seeking comfort and solace in their bonds with fellow herd members, rather than gravitating toward the dominant leader.

This glimpse into herd dynamics highlights the limitations of dominance-based approaches in our interactions with horses. When we insist on being the "alpha" or the dominant figure in the relationship, we inadvertently create a dynamic where our horse associates us with stress, control, and vigilance. In addition to being afraid of a perceived threat (like a trailer, flapping plastic bag, etc.), your horse also has to be afraid of your reaction to them being afraid.

But there's another way. It's the path of partnership-based horsemanship, a journey that places cooperation, mutual understanding, and compassion for your horse at its core.

It's about becoming more than just a leader in your horse's eyes. It's about being a reliable friend, a source of comfort, and a trusted ally in every situation, whether it's in a moment of relaxation or uncertainty. It's about nurturing a bond where your horse willingly chooses your company, not out of fear or dominance, but out of genuine affection and trust.

So, where do you begin on this transformative journey? Our online training program is your gateway to a new way of connecting with your horse—one built on trust, cooperation, and mutual respect. We'll guide you through the principles of partnership-based training, providing you with the tools and insights you need to redefine your relationship with your horse.

Join us on this remarkable journey and discover the power of Harmonized Horsemanship. Let's reshape the way you connect with your horse, creating a bond that transcends tradition and stands the test of time.

The Power in Vulnerability

Yesterday, I got to witness some magic. ✨ I was coaching Shawnah through a training session with Clyde, in the middle of a rain/hail storm in the indoor arena. We were working on softening the head and helping him re-establish his relationship with movement. Towards the end of the session, he actually started to looking at Shawnah with curiosity and was looking for a connection. As he looked at her and moved towards her, I felt some hesitation. The following is what transpired:

Me: “So, what are you feeling?

Shawnah: “I’m feeling a bit uncomfortable because I don’t know what he’s going to do when he’s this close to me. I’m waiting for him to try to nip at me or push into me with his nose.”

Me: “Aha! And so we’ve now discovered the next ‘hardest thing’ about training horses the way we do here. We have to be willing to let down our guard. We have to embrace vulnerability. We have to be okay standing in front of a horse on their best AND their worst days and being open and vulnerable. We cannot expect the horse to soften and open their heart and soul to us if we don’t do the same.

And so you have options here. You can either ‘ride the wave’ and authentically tell the horse you’re feeling anxious about him being this close to you. You can sit with the feeling and experience it. OR, you can ask him to take a step back. You can set a boundary for yourself that allows you to feel safe and secure in the space with this horse. One is not necessarily better than the other. It’s all about what allows you to remove the wall you have built around you and be in this space with him to show him how good, how freeing it feels to be vulnerable and open.”

I watched as Shawnah took some deep breaths. She rode the wave, held the space and stayed in the moment. Then Clyde began to breathe a bit deeper, blink a bit slower, lick and chew.

Then he yawned. I mean, BIG YAWNS. 8 or 9 of them, all in a row. The first ones since he’s been at Harmonized Horsemanship. I am SO proud of them both. Shawnah let her wall down and Clyde followed suit. And that’s the magic. ♾

How many times would you carry groceries for a stranger?

How many times would you carry groceries for a stranger without feeling negatively about it?

I want you to imagine you’re in a grocery store. (For the purposes of this analogy, we’re going to assume this is pre-pandemic.) So you walk into this grocery store and almost immediately someone approaches you with a few bags of groceries. They walk straight up to you, hold out the groceries and say “will you carry these to my car for me?”

Now, almost immediately, you’re going to have an emotional/mental reaction to this. It might be that you are immediately annoyed or feel “put off.” It might be that you feel excited about the opportunity to help someone. It might be somewhere in between. At this point, you may start hearing your mother’s voice in your head reminding you to be kind, or you may hear a different voice in your head saying a bunch of expletives and wanting to tell this person to take a hike. Regardless, you get to decide how to react. If I had to assume, most of you would oblige, take the bags and help the person to their car.

Now we’re going to look into a few different scenarios of how this plays out:

A) You get to the car and load up the groceries. The person gives you a silent nod, a small, forced smile, gets in their car and drives off. How do you feel?

B) You get to the car and load up the groceries. The person is immensely grateful, tells you how wonderful you are, showers you with gratitude and appreciation, gets in their car and drives off. How do you feel?

C) You get to the car and load up the groceries. The person does nothing to acknowledge that and immediately starts asking (more like telling) you to do some other tasks for them. How do you feel?

So now you’re back at the grocery store the next day because apparently you forgot something and you got sent back to complete your list. 😉 Almost immediately upon your arrival, here’s this same person, standing before you, holding out bags of groceries. “Will you carry these to my car for me?” they ask. How you respond to this will directly relate to how the scenario played out the day before. I want you to think about how you would respond the second day in a row based on scenarios A, B, and C. We’re going to assume that the person responds the same way each time you carry their groceries for them.

And now, once again, you’re back at the grocery store for the THIRD DAY in a row! As you arrive, you see that same stranger standing in the doorway, almost like they were awaiting your arrival just to ask you to do something for them. How will you respond on the third day in a row?

What about the 4th day?

What about the 5th day?

By the 5th or 6th day, here’s what I would do, based on the different scenarios:

A) I see the person standing before me and I avoid eye contact. I try to look busy, maybe I stare at my phone, maybe I turn my head and talk to my friend. I might walk quickly past them in an attempt to avoid them. When they ask, I would say “no.” It would come out rudely and a bit harshly, due to the fact that I hadn’t done anything to set a boundary in days 1-4.

B) I would smile and wave at them, but would secretly hope that they wouldn’t ask me to carry the groceries today. When they ask, I would oblige, but deep down I’d be able to detect some feelings of resentment and annoyance that this person continually asks me to carry their groceries.

C) As soon as I saw the person, I would turn around, sprint away, get in my car and find a new grocery store to shop at.

So now, I want you to go back to the beginning of this analogy, but instead of a stranger, it’s a dear friend or family member that you love deeply. Someone that has done many things for you throughout your life, someone who you trust, admire and respect. How do you respond to the scenarios then? Here’s how I would feel:

A) My first thought would be, “Damn, she’s having a bad day today. Hope she feels better soon.” Then I would continue on with my shopping and my day. I’d probably call her later to check up on her and see if her day got any better.

B) I’d feel like a million bucks! My first thought would be, “Wow! I’m so glad that she felt like she could ask me for help. I love her so much. I’m glad I could help her carry those groceries.”

C) I’d be a little bit put off, but would write it off as my friend feeling overwhelmed. “Maybe she really needs some more help getting stuff done. It sounds like she’s drowning a little bit.” If I let this continue for too long without setting a boundary, though, I’d start to get bitter. I’d probably begin to distance myself from that person, which would cause me some heartache.

By now you may have an idea of where I’m going with this, but in case you don’t, now I’ll get to the point.

When you lack friendship, trust, admiration and love with your horse, you’re just a stranger to them. When you arrive in front of them to catch them for the day, you’re the stranger holding the groceries. If your groceries are heavy with baggage from your past, the horse is having to work harder. If your grocery bags are fragile and tear easily due to fear or ego, your horse must tiptoe while still getting the job done. When the horse gets to your car, how you respond will cause the horse to start forming an opinion about you.

So with that in mind, these could be your horse’s response when they see you, based on scenarios A, B, and C.

A) He sees you coming and avoids eye contact. Perhaps he tries to look busy and talk to his friend. As you get closer, he may try to walk away quickly or hide behind another horse.

B) He may look at you as you approach and “smile.” After all, you were super grateful yesterday after he carried the groceries for you. He may oblige you again today, but deep down he’s wondering how many more times you’re going to ask him to do something. He may start to build up some resentment or annoyance.

C) He sees you coming, turns, and runs away. Except he can’t choose to shop at another grocery store.

However, when you become your horse’s friend FIRST, you immediately get more leeway in how you ask and how you respond. Why? Because your horse knows who you are. She knows your heart and your soul. She knows how your mind works. If you ask harshly one day, or you don’t show the gratitude that you typically do, she will know in her heart that you love, admire and respect her.

So I’ll leave you with this: What do your groceries look like? How do you ask the horse to carry them? How do you respond to the horse when he does? Does your horse view you as a stranger? How many times do you think your horse will your horse carry your groceries for you before he starts to feel negatively about it?