Stop Trying to Win.

A popular belief in the horse world is that we can't let the horse win. Whether it's behavioral, instinctual, or just a miscommunication...no matter what 👉 we. can't. let. the. horse. win.

People say this to me all the time in clinics. "Well, if I stop here and don't finish what I want to do, aren't I letting him win?" My response is always the same:

💬 If you always win. Your horse always loses. This means that everytime you put your horse away, he goes back feeling like he lost something.

...And tell me this: Would you want to be around someone who made you feel that way? 💬

It's not about winning. It's not about losing. I urge you to take those words out of your vocabulary when working with horses. Respecting boundaries is a two-way street. So next time you're with your horse and you feel an urge to "win," take a step back. Find a compromise that you BOTH can feel good about.

Then you'll find true partnership. You'll find true harmony. You'll find everything you've been looking for.

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Jess Roberts, owner and trainer of Harmonized Horsemanship, is a Colorado horse trainer and equine behaviorist based out of Franktown specializing in the horse and human connection. Through liberty horsemanship, positive reinforcement training, and respectful horsemanship, Jess creates a deeper connection that results in a willing and happy equine partner. Learn more about her approach here.

How I Begin the Horse-Trainer Relationship

People often ask me what I do when I get a new horse in for training. THIS is what "training" looks like to me in the beginning of my time with a horse.. Sitting together. Walking around. Sharing space. Getting to know one another.

Years ago, when I'd get a horse in for training, the first thing I'd do is "put them to work." I'd start chipping away at the list of goals provided by their human, motivated to earn the horse's respect as quickly as possible. And guess what? It worked. The horses did what I asked them to do, they progressed. BUT -- the results weren't lasting, the horse did NOT have a good opinion of me, and often they'd relapse back to the old behavior as soon as they were out of a consistent program.

Then, I changed my approach. I focused first on the relationship (much as I would do with a new client/horse relationship.) See, I realized that in order to TRULY connect with the horse in front of me, in order to REALLY be able to tap into their soul and help them move through whatever it is that they are facing, they had to have a good opinion of me first.

So, this is what training looks like at the beginning of the #HarmonizedHorsemanship program. It looks like grooming. It looks like bonding. It looks like sitting outside his stall for 30 minutes if that's where he's most comfortable learning about me. It looks like sharing my soul with a horse, letting them get to know who I am energetically and emotionally, and being vulnerable myself before I ask them to do the same.

It's transformed my training approach. It's transformed the way horses respond to my requests, but most of all, it's transformed the horse -- from the inside -- creating lasting results that benefit their human AND the horse for years to come. ❤️

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Jess Roberts, owner and trainer of Harmonized Horsemanship, is a Colorado horse trainer and equine behaviorist based out of Franktown specializing in the horse and human connection. Through liberty horsemanship, positive reinforcement training, and respectful horsemanship, Jess creates a deeper connection that results in a willing and happy equine partner. Learn more about her approach here.

An Open Letter to The Horse

Dear Horse,

So often we overlook the “simple” things you do, like the way that you accept this (often) unnatural life that we humans ask you to live. It’s beautiful, really, how you just gracefully adapt, taking things as they come, staying present in the flow of life. You have this innate ability to be the calm in the storm, often grounding us when we’re in your presence. You make us feel like children again. A simple breath in our face from your soft nose can reassure us that everything is going to be okay.

Yet, despite having all of that magic within you, we push. We ask for more. We are deeply troubled when you do not abide by our requests, so we push harder. Eventually, you acquiesce, because you know it’s just our ego talking. You know it’s just our silly human brains that are causing us to act the way we are. And so you gracefully adapt once again, gently teaching us as we go.

Thank you for your patience. 
Thank you for your love.
Thank you for standing firm when you need to, insisting we learn the lesson in front of us.
Thank you for your grace, for “letting us” get away with something in the moment.
Thank you for accepting all the things we throw your way…from training demands to misplaced frustration after a day at work.
Thank you for the wisdom you share, even when we don’t hear it. 

Things are changing. I can see it. The equestrian community around the world is beginning to shift. People are being softer. They are being more patient. They are trying to compromise now, finding a middle ground between their desires and your instincts. Your patience and your love are starting to be rewarded.

We are starting to listen. We are starting to adapt. We are working on staying present in the flow of life. We, too, can be the calm in the storm. We, too, can reassure you that everything will be okay. 

I will continue to advocate for your voice. I will continue to show others how much we can do with a true connection and a quiet request. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for allowing me to do what I do; for always calling me out when I stray from my path; for teaching me more about myself than I can ever teach you. I will forever be grateful.

Thank you for being strong.
Thank you for being resilient.
Thank you for being the horse.

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Jess Roberts, owner and trainer of Harmonized Horsemanship, is a horse trainer and equine behaviorist based out of Franktown, Colorado. Specializing in the horse and human connection, Jess combines a variety of different training techniques and approaches to create a deeper connection that results in a willing and happy equine partner. Learn more about her approach here.

A Tribute to Eli: 1 Year Later

So my very first horse, Eli, passed away a year ago today. I met him when I was an angsty 11-year-old, and grew up with him until I was 26 years old. In August of 2018 he was diagnosed with 2 life-ending health problems, and I was told I had about 6 months left with him. We did everything we could from bute to supplements to keep him comfortable, but I had a feeling that he wouldn’t see the end of the year.

And then this day came. September 18, 2018. I remember it so clearly… I was running down Factory Shops Blvd. in Castle Rock, training for a half marathon. I was just about to Founders Parkway, and I was overcome with this feeling that he needed me…RIGHT now. So I paused for a moment and checked in with him. “Eli, are you okay?”  He responded, “Can you come, please?”  which was strange for him, because usually when I’d check in with him from afar, he’d say something nice like “just making sure you were there” and then he’d go on his way. But he asked me to come, so I sprinted back home, got in my truck and drove like mad to the property he was at, expecting to find him down. Instead, he looked up at me when I called to him and asked me so clearly, “Is it okay if I go now? I’m so tired.”

And so I sat down and wept. He stood over me and rested his nose on my shoulder. I asked him if he was sure, and every time I would doubt myself or doubt his decision, he’d walk away from me. As soon as I told him “okay, you can go” he would come back and rest with me again. And so I made the phone call, spent the next 8 hours with him and let him leave his failing body. 

This photo was taken that morning. After the phone calls were made and the arrangements were in place, he came to me and laid down. He let me lay on his neck and cry, holding such a beautiful space for me.

Originally, I planned on writing him a letter a year after he died, apologizing to him for all of the things I did wrong. Somehow, I thought that this would help me feel better, to find some more concrete closure. See, I didn’t discover this beautiful, harmonious way of being with horses until the last few years of his life. He raised me through my very troubling teenager years, he carried me around countless horse show rings and got on an innumerable amount of horse trailers to move to a thousand different barns. Yet, his love for me never wavered. Sure, we fought. He would force a lesson that I wasn’t ready to learn. But at the end of the day, that horse loved me. He loved me fully. He loved me with every ounce of his being and made sure that he taught me everything he possibly could before he left. 

So instead of an apology letter, I’m going to thank him for all the times he loved me, even when it was hard. Like the times I….

1. Dressed him up in costumes for barn Halloween parties…

2. Decided to get bangs and forced him to take 100 selfies with me…

3. Asked him to jump around a course wearing pink…

Who am I kidding? He rocked this.

4. Asked him to jump something when he didn’t want to jump something (which was pretty much every jump)…

Oops.

5. Forced him to cuddle me when he just wanted to hang out with his friends…

6. Made him halters out of twine…

7. Interrupted his dinners while I was in college so he could help me study…

8. Made him wear my hat…

Okay, so maybe even the “bad” stuff wasn’t all the bad 😉I think, looking back at it now, we were both so childlike for so many years. We’d butt heads for months at a time, but then at the end of the day, we’d be calling to each other and neither of us wanted to say goodnight. He taught me so much about what it means to be me.

And then, there was all of the magic we shared together. The cuddling, the hours doing nothing together, cleaning up in the show ring, the naps we’d take where he’d lay his head in my lap and dream of running the Kentucky Derby. He truly was my best friend, and I believe whole heartedly now that I was his, too. 

Perhaps my favorite, though, is the day I found him standing in his stall on Christmas Day, with a red bow tied to his halter. The day he became mine. The day he and I were tethered together for eternity, bound my an immense amount of admiration, excitement and unconditional love. 

I cried the moment I turned the corner of the barn and discovered that he was mine. And throughout our years together, I shed many tears. Some were for the disappointments he and I faced, some were for boys that never measured up to him, some were for friends that ended up astray… but none of them were as surreal and as powerful as the tears I cried the day he died. The day I let his body go. The day he and I entered a new chapter of our relationship…one that was not defined by physicality.

This was an hour before he left this world, standing over me so proudly and ready to go, knowing he taught me everything from his body that he needed to teach me.

My dearest, sweetest Big Loo Loo Bean. Thank you for loving me with everything you had. Thank you for being relentless in the lessons you needed to teach me. Thank you for being patient with me when I was not patient with you. But most of all, thank you for staying close ever since you left your body, for being my support system from afar, and for orchestrating such amazing things from wherever you are. Everything I do, I think of you. I love you forever and always.

Spoiler Alert: You Can Actually Talk To Your Horse

I used to think people who talked to horses had superpowers. I would have these amazing dreams where I was looking at my horse and talking to him so openly and easily. Then I would wake back up and enter the world of “reality” again. “Hmph,” I would think. “Well, a girl can dream.” Little did I know we all have this gift.

We’re conditioned by society to believe that we can’t truly connect without verbal communication. This is why we spend so much time as children developing our speech. Because a long time ago, humans developed the ability to speak, followed later by mapping the brain and labeling what each segment of the contents of your skull are responsible for. Your brain, or your “mind”, are given the most weight and respect when it comes to expressing yourself and communicating with others.

In fact, we’re so conditioned to believe that this is the “only way,” that those who CAN communicate without words (i.e. animal communicators, mediums, etc.), have throughout history been labeled as “taboo” or (my personal favorite) “crazy.” And so we shut off our connection to our body. In extreme cases, not only do we stop listening to it, but we use our brains to try and “reason” our way out of what we are feeling. And if that doesn’t work, we either write it off as a “feeling” or we seek some type of remedy to just “make it go away.” 

The feelings you have in your body: the pressure you may feel in your chest, or a tightness in your stomach that can’t be resolved by eating, a heaviness that feels trapped near your lungs...this is all part of a form of communication that we began to ignore long ago. This is one of the main ways that you energetically connect to the world, without needing language, reason and speech. 

So begin to acknowledge those feelings. You don’t have to DO anything about them just yet, but begin to acknowledge them. Why? Because this is where your horse exists. This is how your horse connects to and communicates with, not only you, but the entirety of the world around him/her. 

You don’t need to have “special powers” to communicate in this way. This is how beings (both animal AND human) have communicated for millions of years. It’s the flow of the energetic connection. So, to start, just begin to acknowledge and honor those feelings you have in your body. You don’t need to DO anything about them for now (we’ll get to that later), but just start to strengthen the muscle and connection between the mind and the body. To truly connect and create with your horse, you must be willing to explore the absolute gift of nonverbal communication. 

Jess Roberts is a horse trainer and equine behaviorist in Colorado who specializes in the horse and human connection. Jess combines a variety of different training techniques and approaches to create a deeper connection that results in a willing and happy equine partner.